A confliction


I have had mixed feelings recently, thinking about the future, and what’s in store. There’s so much that I want to do, and yet it can be difficult to make a start doing it. I think of what life might be like a year from now, and I suffer a confliction of thoughts. Some days I’m excited; I’m free, and haven’t got anything holding me down to one place. But more often than not, thinking about the future makes me anxious and scared. I start to wonder, what if I’m in exactly in the same position one year from now, dreaming what my future life could be like, but still too anxious to settle down to anything permanent.

Too often we can forget to live in the present because we are too busy planning our future. Sometimes we need to plan our life by living it, accepting the twists and turns that come our way, using these opportunities to learn more about ourselves and the world we live in.

I don’t have a plan of where my life is heading. These past few years I’ve just been drifting and seeing what comes my way. I’ve been gifted some wonderful opportunities, and for these I shall forever be grateful; they have shaped me as a person, and I’m in a much better place because of them.

Isn’t it funny how we can feel such a contrast of emotions on the same subject? How the same thing that inspires excitement can also awaken fear?


12 Comments Add yours

  1. jadekmoore says:

    I’ve felt like this before. The past two years went by so fast, but not a lot changed. Well…things DID change and progress, but other areas of my life stayed exactly the same. But I’ve come to terms with those things and realised that time can be important in letting you know when you’re ready for things to change. Staying the same isn’t always a bad thing, that’s what I’ve learnt. Hope that makes sense! It’s very vague I know.

    1. M_McKeen says:

      I understand what you’re saying. I’ve felt a little like this myself.

      1. jadekmoore says:

        Hope you’re okay though! Try to think positively and not let anxiety rule your thoughts. The future will be whatever it is going to be, but it doesn’t exist yet. There’s a song by Noah and the Whale that sometimes helps with this: Do What You Do. Maybe give it a listen? 😊

      2. M_McKeen says:

        Thanks Jade, I know you’re right. It’s just a slow lesson to learn. I’ll check it out, will let you know when I have! 🙂

      3. jadekmoore says:

        Hope you enjoy! There’s one lyric in particular that made me realise a lot of things and helped with thinking more about the present moment 😊 you’ll get there.

  2. Great post and I know where you’re coming from. Sometimes I think about how I want my life to be and worry that anxiety will hold me back from accomplishing these things. However, I know that obsessing about it won’t change anything and that I have to make progress one day at a time! I wish you all the best!

    1. M_McKeen says:

      Thanks B, and I wish you all the best too! 🙂

  3. I’ve had this problem in quite another form, where though I’m quite certain of all the decisions I’ve made, once I made them – what should I say – I myself could not believe I had actually made those decisions, that I had actually got what I wanted, that I had actually won.

    Some have called it indecision, but deep inside, I never wavered for a second. It was just that, when I started out, the dream was so big, and the obstructions so great, that once there, I just could not believe it, that I was there already…

    1. M_McKeen says:

      Beautifully put.

  4. I can relate to this. Progress is really important to me. I want to know that i’m always getting better and that my decisions will bring good results. You’re right, it’s important to stay present.

    1. M_McKeen says:

      I can understand why you’d like to know that you’re heading in the right direction. Uncertainty breeds stress and anxiety. Hope things are going ok for you?

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