Later this week I’ll be sitting my driving test for the first time. I could have started learning to drive three and a half years ago, but I decided against it at the time, I wasn’t interested; I had other things on my mind. I was struggling emotionally, and I was probably at my lowest point around that time too. There was a lot of pressure to perform at school, as I was preparing for exams. I was beginning to crumble.
I couldn’t start driving on top of all that; it would have been too much for me. For a long time since I have been a little scared of learning to drive. I could only see the dangers every time I thought about it. What I’ve since realised is that I wasn’t afraid of driving, I was afraid of failing the test.
Driving tests are notoriously easy to fail, especially first time. Failing one is not a big deal, but it was for me at the time. I couldn’t cope with another failure, having not done so well at school. Incompetency, I feared, was becoming a character trait.
In the months since then, my general demeanour has improved as I’ve started to learn about dealing with my struggles with anxiety and depression. Now I feel ready, of course, I’m a little anxious, but that can be a good thing sometimes. Whether I pass or fail come test day, at least I’ve given it a shot. That’s progress right?