Things had been worse than I had previously realised. For a long time, I had been telling myself to keep going, to keep pushing on, to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But reality hit me from time to time, hit me like a wave and knocked me off my feet: I wasn’t moving forward; the hole that I was in was just getting deeper.
I become consumed by the shadows that darken my mood. I lived in a construct of my imagination. It’s how I got through my day, by pretending that life wasn’t that way.
The truth overwhelmed me, I think. When I saw and talked with friends I saw only how amazing their life was, how happy they were. I know that this was just my distorted view: the devil you don’t know.
I felt like King Sisyphus from Greek mythology. He was condemned to pushing a huge boulder up a steep hill only for it to roll back down as soon as he reached the summit. It’s his punishment for chronic deceitfulness. No energy, drive or motivation remains.
Every day was a struggle. But over the last few weeks I have noticed a definite improvement in my mood. Hopefully things can continue to work out.
Thanks for reading, have a great day!